Jill Ceder LCSW JD
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Accepting Your 'Good Enough' Kid

6/1/2017

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When my son was 8 months old, he bit another child on a play date. I was embarrassed and felt responsible for my son's action. Would the other moms think I tolerated biting? It also terrified me to imagine what behavior loomed on the toddler horizon.

In our society, we spend a lot of time and mental energy worrying about being the perfect parent and raising perfect children. We want babies who do not cry and children who sit quietly and play happily. This illusion is dashed when your baby will not stop screaming in a restaurant, your 2-year-old smacks another child on the playground or your 4-year-old refuses to potty train. Then we spend even more time and energy blaming ourselves. Was it my fault? Will everyone think I'm a bad mom? What could I have done differently?

Read this article on HuffPost Parents

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Connect Instead of Correct and Other Ways to Change Your Parent Perspective

5/14/2017

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Is it true that parenting is all joy and no fun? One thing most parents can agree on is that parenting is challenging – whether you are a parent of a baby, toddler, or teenager. One day you may feel as if you’ve figured it all out and then the next you feel like the worst parent in the world. As a therapist and parent of two young children, I am frequently asked for strategies to change children’s behaviors.
​
  • How can I get my baby to sleep through the night? 
  • Why won’t my toddler behave in the supermarket? 
  • How can I get my teenage daughter to stop talking back?​​

Many parents spend too much time searching for ways to change their child’s behavior. This method of parenting often backfires and parents are perplexed when they are left with crying babies, toddlers having major meltdowns, and disrespectful teenagers. 

What if we stopped trying to change our kids and, instead, changed how we thought about parenting? What if we chose to view parenting through rose-colored glasses? What if we decided not to take everything so seriously?

We may not have the power to control our children, (and we shouldn’t be controlling them anyway), but we do have the power to adjust our thoughts and feelings about the struggles of parenting. With a few changes, you can enjoy your children more and when your behavior changes, so does your child’s behavior. Changing the way you view parenting will create a stronger and more positive relationship between you and your children.

Read on for 10 ways to strengthen your parent-child relationship. 

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The 8 Best Parenting Lessons I Learned From Watching My Nanny

3/3/2017

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When choosing a nanny, it is so important to find someone you trust, respect and whom you can communicate with. Your nanny is on your team; helping to nourish and grow your children.
Many parents are stuck on the concept that as the parent, they alone should make all the rules. Yes, you will make the important decisions for your child, but it is beneficial to you if you are open to your childcare provider’s suggestions and thoughts on matters involving your kids.

Over the past four years, my nanny has taught me so much about being a parent and about raising kind, empathetic, confident children. She has been taking care of children far longer than I have and I welcome her knowledge about child development. Here are some of the best lessons I’ve learned from her over the past few years:

How to practice positive discipline
One of the reasons my nanny relationship works so well is because we share similar parenting philosophies. We didn’t discuss this during any interview, but I follow her lead and watch as she disciplines with respect, empathy and kindness. She never yells, punishes or gives a time-out. 
  • I watch as she gives my son freedom within boundaries.
  • I listen as she tries to understand the meaning behind his behaviors.
  • I notice that she does not let her emotions get the best of her when she is frustrated.
  • I pay attention that she is consistent with her expectations of my children.
  • I see that she gives attention to positive behaviors and redirects negative behaviors.

​Read the rest of my nanny's tips on Huffington Post.
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8 Ways To Make Parenting Easier

10/21/2016

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Whether you are the parent of a baby or a teenager, we can all agree that parenting is a challenge! It can be wonderful one day and then exhausting, stressful and overwhelming the next. As a therapist and parent of two young children, I frequently talk with other parents about strategies to change children's behaviors.
  • How can I get my baby to sleep trough the night?
  • Why won't my toddler stop throwing toys?
  • How can I get my teenage daughter to stop talking back?
We are always searching for ways to change our child's behavior; to make our children fit into a mold that works for us. However, this method rarely works and we are faced with crying babies, tantrumming toddlers and sassy teenagers. What if we stopped trying to change our kids and instead, changed ourselves? What if we changed our parenting styles and parenting philosophies? What if we chose to view parenting through rose-colored glasses? What if we decided not to take everything so seriously?

Read the 8 ways to make parenting easier on Verywell.

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35 Things I Survived The First Year of Motherhood

2/19/2015

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As we all know, the first birthday is really a party for the parents and you might as well schedule the party during naptime. But you aren’t celebrating any old birthday that happens every year, this first year is a celebration of survival.

Surviving a time when you really thought you might starve your newborn because you forgot to set your alarm to feed him exactly three hours after the last feeding started (which only gave you a 32 minute nap after the feeding took an hour and then took another hour to put the baby to sleep and then 28 minutes for you to fall asleep). Surviving a time when you tried to make lunch plans with a friend and after taking 25 minutes to remember all the stuff you should pack in the diaper bag, spending 50 minutes feeding your baby, changing your baby and bundling him in four layers to go outside, your baby poops just as load him into the car. Yep, surviving that time.

As my son prepares to turn one this week, here are the reasons I’m celebrating… me:

1. I survived spending 12 hours a day alone with a newborn and two sleeping cats.
2. I mastered typing on my phone while breastfeeding. (Even a bigger success in the dark.)
3. After week three, stopped caring that my nipple was known to every waiter and bartender in my neighborhood.
4. Only cried for 5 minutes when I forgot to put on breast pads and my boobs leaked all over Old Navy.
5. My son didn’t ingest any foreign objects severe enough to require an ER visit.
6. I limited middle of the night binge orders on Amazon to twice a week.
7. Figured out how to make baby food and not poison him.
8. Didn’t always buy organic food, and didn’t poison him.
9. I only attended a “few” baby yoga classes for the free childcare.
10. I only fell asleep while breastfeeding every other night (and miraculously never dropped him).
11. My son only peed in my face twice.
12. My son never pooped in the bathtub.
13. My son only face-planted into the Ipad screen once during binge viewing of “Orange is the New Black”.
14. I accepted that poop explosions, OxyClean and laundry replaced girl’s night of wine and cheese.
15. It only took me seven tries to figure out how to use the Bjorn.

Read the rest of the article and comments at Scary Mommy.

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